So the other night Nick and I were bored and decided to go find some ghosts. It didn't quite work out that way, but I was scared shitless that night regardless. We found out about this road in Pemberton called Mt. Misery and figured since it wasn't far, we'd check it out. The research we did prior to our explanation told us it's basically this Methodist Retreat Center out in the middle of the woods and if you turn off down one of the dirt roads, you'll find a big wooden cross with an altar and a bunch of wooden pews - creepy.

So we found the road which surprised me because I had doubts about that even happening, and as soon as we turned down the road I wanted to turn around because it just gave me a weird feeling and it was just plain scary. The trees made a tunnel practically and there wasn't a single light on the whole road. It was hardly paved and you just felt like you were out in the middle of nowhere, which isn't exactly a good feeling. We didn't end up going to find the outdoor church or whatever because I didn't even want to get out of the car, but we have plans to go back at some point.

Last night I met up with Joe for some Starbucks because he is leaving for tour for the next six weeks and then I went over to Lou's in Philadelphia to see Mike and some people.

Tonight I think I'm having dinner with my crazy mother, but other than that I have no plans. I'm excited the weather turned around today though and hopefully it will be nice out tonight!

Let me just say before I even start this - I don't care if you think my entries are boring, Joseph Daniel Ryan. My life is boring.

So earlier this week, I went down the shore with Joe and Dustin and a bunch of the boys. We went to some party and messed with a bunch of drunk kids and then spent the night at Pat's parents' beach house (although it was unfortunate we couldn't go in the hot tub). I had an awesome time - until I woke up in the morning with a hacking cough that burned my entire chest to the point where I couldn't breathe. We headed home in the morning so Joe could get back to meet with the band's manager and I spent the rest of the day on my mom's couch having her cater to my very ill self. 

The next morning I got up, found someone to fill my work shift for me, printed 150 T-shirts, and then went to the mall to reward myself with some shopping. Due to being sick, I was in such a fog that I forgot my wallet in my car but left my keys on the counter of H&M when I went to get it out and then to top everything off, the doucher ringing me up forgot to take the censor off my new bag. Awesome!

The rest of my week consisted of working and missing out on fun activities due to being sick, but I'm starting to feel better. I had to dogsit Cooper last night and he made it a point to wake me up at least once every hour. It is difficult to ignore a German Shepherd that weighs more than you do jumping on you while you're sleeping. I got up early, had brunch with Gregg and Vanessa, started cleaning the apartment and organizing things to get ready for the move, took Danielle to the mall, went tanning, and cleaned my room. I feel extremely productive.

Possibly Atlantic City tonight with Ashley to play slots and demand free drinks?

Well, it's been a while but I can happily say I am officially on summer break. I still feel stressed out but I feel like that's because it hasn't really hit me yet. I still feel like tomorrow is the start of another week of class and I'm glad it really isn't. I'm going to be working constantly, but having a break from school for a few months is going to be very beneficial. My grades for the semester are as follows:

Sculpture - C+ (really really surprised I didn't do much worse because I put absolutely no effort into this class because I hate 3-D art)

Research Practices/Subjects and Formats - B+

Adult Psychology - A-

Etching/Screenprinting - B+

I'm pretty happy with my grades. Obviously I wish I could say I got all As, but it just didn't work out that way.

Last night was Vanessa's graduation party and I had a ball. Not totally sure what's going on tonight, but I'd love to get out of the house and get my summer started on the right foot. Khyber maybe, or the hookah bar again? Not sure, we'll see.

Summer starts tomorrow at approximately 4PM when my last final ends. Plans for summer include:

1) serious exercise, including bike rides with Tom and running with Ashley

2) reading a book a week, if not more often than that. I'm sure I could do far more than that if it weren't for what's sure to be a busy work schedule

3) going out to Atco to ride Melissa's horse a couple times a week

4) interning with Marisha in exchange for studio time which means hopefully plenty of independent artwork that I can actually be proud of

.. among other things, but those are all things I want to stick to and do on a regular basis.

Just trying to stay on my feet, ya dig?

When am I ever going to learn that when you touch something hot, you're always going get burned?

I have absolutely no idea why I'm up this early, but I know it's not going to last. I'll probably have a cigarette and then pass right out again. I guess my internal alarm clock is used to going off before the sun comes up on Tuesdays.

My psychology final is today. I got an A on the midterm and a perfect grade on the paper, but I really think I have the potential to fail the final. I don't know how badly it will affect my grade, but considering I haven't handed in a single homework assignment in the past month or so and I have never participated, I need to do as well as possible to ensure I don't get a bad grade. If I want to make NYU happen, I need to start taking this art therapy thing a little more seriously. I also still have to go to the registrar and figure out why the hell I need department approval to register for Abnormal Psychology when it is my friggen minor.

Yesterday felt pretty productive. I had some time to sleep in and then I headed over to the studios to put in some serious work on the print for the print exchange. This is the project for my finals that will probably be the most labor and time intensive, so I'm trying to get it out of the way first. I got 4 out of the 8 layers done and am pretty happy with the way it is coming along so far. I still have to print all three of my etching plates, do my project for Subjects/Formats, and do my sculpture project, all of which I have absolutely no motivation to do with summer so close.

Happy Cindo de Mayo, by the way. I'm thoroughly looking forward to enjoying some Corona and lime with some lovely people tonight.

So as it turns out, the printmaking studios are going to be closed for renovations this summer which is a total downer. I was really looking forward to dedicating this summer to making my own art without any of the limitations of class projects. However, where there is a will there is a way. I e-mailed an old teacher of mine who also teaches at Moore to see if maybe I could pay to use their studios which is probably unlikely because I'm not a Moore student. What seems more likely, though, is using the facilities at Space 1026, a gallery/studio in Philadelphia. You can intern there or pay to use the studios. I'm willing to do either as long as interning works around my work schedule. I e-mailed them this afternoon and am hoping they get back to me soon.

Last night I went and saw Fire in the Eyes and Fear Before and then hung out at Rowan for a little bit, all of which was a pretty good time. But ever since my car accidents, back and neck pains come in these random spurts for me and when it happens, it kills. Some pretty intense headaches tend to come along with these spurts, so I'm thinking I should probably get it all checked out. Today I'm going to a communion party with Nick for one of his cousins and tonight we're going on a double date. We were supposed to go to Bamboozle today, but with how broke I am it's going to have to wait until next year. I'm not that disappointed - the lineup really wasn't THAT amazing. Life is great but it will be so much better once finals are over and summer is officially here.

Classes are officially over for the semester. I have the next week off other than my psych final Tuesday and then final crits are the following week. I'm really stressing about how I'm going to accomplish everything before then because my time management skills are.. well, they pretty much don't exist. A large percentage of college is supposed to be learning how to manage your time but all I've learned is that I'm really great at putting things off until the last possible minute. I guess I suck.

It's the last week of classes and so far I missed my entire class yesterday and my AM class this morning, but oh well. The only reason I was concerned because my teacher for today's class tried to fail my last semester for my excessive absences but when we sat down and talked, he was pretty cool about it. He's one of those teachers I completely hate but I feel like there's a certain level we understand each other on, so I guess it all works out.

So growing up, I used to horseback ride. I competed and the whole nine yards but once high school hit, I stopped. It was a weird situation where my trainer left the place I was at and I had to make a choice between my social/work life and continuing to do it and I dropped it and I wish I had made a different decision because I really miss it. Maybe not so much the competition aspect of it, but still. Anyway, my cousin's wife has a horse she keeps out at a place in Atco and when we were out to dinner the other night, she asked if I would start going out there and riding because she doesn't always have the time and I was ecstatic to say yes. It makes me feel better about having something productive to do with my summer free time. 

Otherwise, not too much is going on. Joe and I are meeting up tonight to order shirts for the Makeout Party summer tour so I can get them all printed up as quickly as possible. I'm still waiting to hear back from Lori about using the studios this summer but even if they tell me I can't, I'm sure I can find a way around that. Or at least I hope.

I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. It doesn't help that the weather is absolutely beautiful and I have to go in to work. I feel like my life is becoming this endless cycle of school and work. I understand summer is right around the corner, but even that knowledge brings on a sense of uncertainty instead of just relief. I don't want to spend this summer like I do every summer - sleeping in far too late, going to work, and otherwise doing nothing productive or exciting with my time.

I think today I've just let my mind wander far too much. I feel like I've lost touch with so many good people over the years for no reason other than my own laziness as far as making the effort to stay in touch with them and it really upsets me because it makes me wonder if it's too late to recover what I used to have. A lot of things are going to change soon - no more school, more hours at work, and moving back in with my parents. I'm not a fan of change but I'm sick of the cycle I'm in. It doesn't make any sense.

I'm completely relying on getting into NYU for grad school. I need to get away from this town, away from the neighboring city, even if it is for only a couple of years. I'm so desperate for a fresh start, but what am I supposed to do with the two years I still have left here?

I deleted my last super short post in exchange for something with a little more substance. I'm also sitting in a critique right now and if I don't find something to do I'm going to rip my own eyeballs out out of complete boredom.

This weekend was absolutely beautiful and I can't wait for that weather to return. I am so sick of these April showers. I didn't get to enjoy the weather as much as I would have liked due to work, but I guess that's life. At least the Flyers won on Sunday and will hopefully do so again tonight to tie up the series.

So yesterday I got three colors done on a screenprinting edition I have due Wednesday. I forgot my phone in my car so I felt completely naked without it but it was also nice to not have any distractions. I can't wait to finish these prints and wish I could do them now instead of sitting through this excruciating class. I don't really have another choice other than to finish it tonight, but I won't even get to start until after 7 because that's when I have class until tonight.

I tried to register for my classes last night pretty unsuccessfully. I only got into two of my required courses and when I tried to register for the third, it told me I didn't have enough pre-requisites which makes absolutely no sense. I was also told I need department approval to register for Abnormal Psychology when I'm an art therapy minor.. hm. So my schedule is basically nothing like I said it was in another entry and the whole situation is a complete mess right now but hopefully everything gets sorted out when I go to the registrar today and throw a fit about the whole thing. After spending about a half hour freaking out at my computer over all this, Nick and I went out in the disgusting weather to see Adventureland last night and it was so good and everyone should totally go and see it.

Shortest blog entry ever, buuuut.. so in love with my life. Just thought you all should know.

So this Easter was pretty great, even though I had to work in the morning. I only had two tables and only ended up making ten dollars, but whatever. Bill came and got me, I worked on my sculpture project, and then Nick and I went to my parents' for dinner. It was nice seeing a few people, but what will be even better will be my sister's graduation party next month because that's when the whole damn fam will be there. Even though they're slightly nuts and even a little dysfunctional at times, I love my family. After dinner, Nick and I went to the Flyers game and even though they lost the last game of the season, we still had a good time and we got to watch Sean Avery run away from Hartnell like the little bitch that he is at the very end of the game.

Today I had my sculpture crit which went about as well as it could considering I waited until yesterday to actually do the project. I left the city around 10:30, came home, got back in bed and tried to fall asleep which was practically impossible considering a drank a huge Starbuck's coffee on the train. So Nick and I went to the diner and got some breakfast and I had enough time to take a nap before going to work tonight. In conclusion, life hasn't been too eventful but I am certainly not complaining because everything eventful in my life prior to the month of April has been one terrible thing after another. Thank you, April, for giving me hope that things are turning around.

And of course, RIP Harry Kalas. Philadelphia and it's Phillies fans definitely suffered a huge loss today.

Time for a cigarette, to fold my laundry, and then bed.

I really love my life right now. Except for that $119 ticket and a possible court appearance I received for my accident.

There's only three weeks left of classes and a lot of art to get done in the meantime, but I've already started planning out art I'm going to be doing over the summer. I just e-mailed my advisor to ask if undergrad students even have access to the studios during the summer but even if they don't, I don't really care because I'll find a way around that. I already have a couple ideas and even some positives made for prints I want to do. I'm also going to try to make at least one design for some JBSP shirts as well as doing some major work on DG4L. I'm also going to be doing about 100 shirts for Makeout Party's summer tour. As much as I love school, it sucks that you have absolutely no time for the art that you want to do on your own. You have complete freedom when you make your own art but not every class at UArts gives you that freedom. I'm tired of all the guidelines and I just want to make what I want to make, so having a good four months to do so is going to be amazing. Plus, I'm pretty sure my junior and senior year will be a lot more open to preparing my portfolio as opposed to actually learning techniques so I'm sure I'll have a lot more freedom then, too. 

I picked all my classes for next year and my schedule will be as follows: on Mondays I have Drawing: Form and Space from 8:30 to 4. On Tuesdays, I have Abnormal Psychology from 1-4 and Bodily and Spiritual Love from 4-7. On Wednesday, I have Lithography from 8:30-4. On Thursday, I have Attitudes and Strategies from 1-7. On Friday, I have Print Study Seminar from 10-12. It's a bit of a packed schedule but it still allows me to work Friday through Sunday, so it's not so bad. I had to pack my schedule as thick as possible this semester due to the fact that I withdrew from a class last semester. Oh well.

So yesterday I went to New York City for the day to check out galleries for my Research Practices class. Yet another piece of proof that that class is completely disorganized and not even the people that teach the classes really have any idea what's going on: the main gallery we were supposed to see didn't even have a show. Seriously? And of course it was a book arts gallery, aka the only show I was really looking forward to seeing. But whatever, we found a bunch of other galleries (some with awesome work and others with work that was just plain stupid) and I got away from Philadelphia for the day. Then I went to dinner with Nick and we attempted to watch television on my laptop again but it didn't really work this time because there wasn't really anything to watch now that we're caught up on Tough Love.

So here's a breakdown of the next few weeks:

I have three more weeks of classes and still have assignments/projects to do before I even start any of my finals. There's a whole week in between the end of classes and final critiques which is amazing because it will give me the well-needed time to do any last minute work. And then it's summer! Which I am so excited for. I think I'm going to avoid taking summer classes like I intended and just work my ass of instead to get myself out of debt. I'm going to attempt to take 18 credits next semester, but we'll see how that goes. 

I can feel the pieces of everything starting to fall back into place. School is almost over, so that will be one less thing to stress me out constantly. I'm starting to develop a plan as to how I'm going to pay all this money I owe and having three extra days of availability when school ends will also be very helpful. My boyfriend is absolutely amazing and treats me like a princess and I guess I must still have some luck afterall to have found him. The only thing that could make life better right now is the Flyers winning the Stanley Cup. And maybe a winning lottery ticket or something.

Sooo I got my septum pierced a few days ago. I took out my nose ring a couple months ago when I was applying for new jobs and never put it back in and I started to miss it, so Mark over at Body Art hooked me up and I'm pretty happy with it. It's simple and it's nothing too obnoxious or gaudy which is good because that's just totally not me.

Summer is fast approaching and I'm trying my hardest to stay on top of all my schoolwork. I had to re-do an entire 3-color screenprint today that's due Wednesday and I'm pretty happy with it. Granted it's not perfect, but better than it was originally. It's on the drying racks at school now so I just have to edition them and then I'll photograph one and post it. I intended to include my art in this blog and really haven't yet so hopefully that will be the start.

I will be in New York all day tomorrow checking out galleries and such and I'm pretty stoked on that because I haven't been to the city in a few years and it's also nice to see what current working artists are up to. I have to be on the speedline at 6:50am to catch the Frankford-Market line at 7:12 and then I have to hop on a bus at 30th Street at 8. I really hope I can get my ass out of bed that early. Once I'm back to in Philadelphia it's back to the studio to do more work. College sucks.

I guess I'll do this to kill time while I wait for Nick to wake up.

There's only four weeks of school left which is pretty much insanity. It's great because there's only four weeks left, but it's horrible because there's only four weeks left. I am so ready for summer vacation it's unfathomable, but at the same time four weeks is definitely NOT enough time to finish all the work I have to do. I have a feeling there's gonna be a lot of Red Bull and all-nighters in the near future. I'm already behind with work so that fact is not going to make this any easier. I have a sculpture project due next Monday that I haven't even started and a print edition due Wednesday that I did but have to completely re-do, among other things. But Tuesday I'll be spending the entire day in New York City with one of my classes so that little getaway for the day should be pretty great.

It's kind of fucked up how appropriate this is.

Here are some random thoughts on this lovely April morning:

- Thank god you're here, April. And if you even plan on being as shitty as the past three months have been, just let something awful happen today so I can just give up hope that things are going to get better.

- I really like Rihanna's new song and don't really give a shit if you don't.

- I probably wouldn't be able to make it through the day without at least one cup of hot tea.

-  I Love You, Man was pretty funny. I will now no longer feel left out when everyone is quoting it at work.

- Since Tori introduced me to it the other day, I have spent far too much time on fmylife.com because I thoroughly enjoy laughing at other people's lives.

Once again, I've been slacking on this so I guess there's quite a bit to catch up on.

After my car accident, just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse - they went and did. It's as if since the day 2009 came into effect, life has just been shitting on me and I really have reached my breaking point. But, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Then consider me a friggen body builder, seriously. I've been beating myself up so terribly over all of this but what I've realized isn't that it's just about waiting for the dust to settle and then moving on, it's about actually making the effort to change what it is that is wrong with/you don't like about your life and that's my next step. April is only two days away and I really am just looking for the new month to begin so I can feel as though I have a fresh start. Finishing out the semester with good grades is my absolute main focus right now because it's the one thing I cannot afford to fuck up.

I'm definitely looking forward to the summer because I feel like I haven't been taking full advantage of my free time the past few summers. I'm going to be moving back home in September due to financial reasons and just for the sake of getting my feet back on the ground again, so it's pretty imperative that I make the most of the time I have left living in this house with my roommates. I also want to take plenty of road/day trips. The shore is obvious plus I'm going to North Carolina with my sister and cousins. Nick and I discussed a possible road trip to Canada, so we'll see how everything pans out.

This summer is also going to be time to really sit down and put work into DG4L and JBSP because they're both things I enjoy and want to put more serious time and effort into. With my accident, Mike being sick, and just our busy schedules in general thanks to good old UArts, what we did start is still coming along slowly but at least getting somewhere. We're working out the kinks with everything and hoping to have a bunch of fresh shirts to rock come the middle of summer.

I'm sure there's a bunch of more crap I can talk about, like how my bracket "crashed and burned" (way to fuck everything up for me, Duke) but I have to get up and make the commute to the city in about seven hours and I'm sleep deprived as is so I'm ending it here.

So much for my luck turning around. I'm borrowing my mom's (and hopefully soon to be mine) car for the weekend to get to work and yesterday I ripped open the tire accidentally on a curb pulling out of my driveway. I had to pull Nick out of bed to fix it but he once again stepped in as my hero and put the spare on it and I got to work an hour and a half late. After work I played scratch-offs in hopes that since everything has been going so terribly wrong lately something would work out in my favor and I ended up wasting $6. Maybe I'll end up winning the March Madness pool at my dad's office even though everyone keeps telling me how terrible my bracket is. Screw you guys.

Things to look forward to: finishing the first set of DG4L shirts, finishing my etchings/starting my screenprints, warm weather (happy Spring, everyone), my first tattoo, and hopefully things taking a turn for the better.

So on Wednesday night, I was driving on 676. Someone cut off the person in front of me and that car then slammed on their brakes. I slammed on mine but it really didn't do anything for me. Everything happened in a split second - all I remember is brake lights in front of me, my face slamming into my steering wheel, and then looking up and not being able to see out my windshield because my entire hood was up in my face.

I'm really lucky and surprised after actually seeing the damage that I'm okay. My jaw, chin, neck, back, and shoulders are all pretty sore but otherwise I'm fine. Considering how hard I hit my face on the steering wheel, I'm really surprised I didn't break something. I guess I should consider myself lucky. I can't say the same for my car though - it's completely totaled.



But in the moment as I sat shaking in my car from just pure shock at what had happened, I felt I hit my breaking point. I felt like at the same time I hit that car I hit a brick wall in my life. So much has gone wrong since this year started that I'm honestly not sure how much more I can take. But I felt a lot better after I had a talk with my dad. He is honestly the most incredible person ever and I am so lucky to have him as my father. I am constantly fucking up and he is always there to clean up the pieces and get me back on my feet. He pointed out that basically, shit happens and it's the way you handle it that really matters because you can't always help things. That's life. It's always going to test you and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You have to step up to the plate or get the fuck out of the game.

I'm hoping things will turn around for the better soon. For my own sanity, at least.

So St. Patrick's Day was relatively quiet over here at 16 East Collings, but still fun. Pizza, beer, and a bonfire. The fact that I had class until 7:00 last night and again at 8:30 this morning limited my ability to really celebrate. But I got to hang out with some good friends and damage my lungs inhaling the phone book that we burned, so it was still relatively eventful. However, getting out of bed this morning was not easy at all. Thank you, Nick, for rubbing it in my face that you didn't have to go anywhere at all.



In dumber news, Temple's Tyler School of Art left a 10 foot trojan horse made out of cardboard in Hamilton Hall this morning with a note saying they've apparently declared "war" on every art school in the city, UArts included. One word: lame. I mean, what the fuck? First of all, if you have such little schoolwork to do over there that you honestly have time to make several of these horses and leave them at the schools in the area, I should consider transferring there. Secondly, don't you have something less retarded to do with your time or are you really just that bored? UArts sent out an e-mail recommending we don't retaliate but knowing people at UArts, that's probably going to happen anyway.

I got another four days straight at work which is excellent because I could certainly use the money. I thought I had my rent paid off last week, but that was until I had to buy my car a brand new set of four tires which I am still pretty miserable about but considering my car drives a thousand times better now, I guess I should be happy about it.

I'm heading back up to the studio tonight with Mike in hopes that tonight's screenprinting events are more successful than they've been lately. I'm so looking forward to getting these shirts done and it just seems like it's taking forever. Mike's been a huge help and I'm glad I'm teaching him to print because I am going to force him to help me with jobs from now on. He has become my apprentice/first employee/partner and he really doesn't have a say in the matter.



I must say, life is pretty excellent lately. Despite some of the bullshit, I can't really seem to stop smiling.

My dad: "So what are you doing for St. Patrick's Day?"
Me: "I don't know. Probably gonna get wasted."
My dad: "I don't care what you do but you better be wearing green when you do it."

So my back left tire was leaking air pretty bad to the point where I would put air in it, drive to work, and it would pretty much be flat when I left. So today I took it to the tire place. I had my fingers completely crossed that maybe, just maybe, I would be lucky enough that they would say all it needed was to be patched and they could fix me up and send me on my way with little financial damage. So what did they call me back to say?

"You need all new tires."

Awesomeeeee. Surprised that things are not working out in my favor again? No, not in the least bit. Miserably unhappy? Absolutely.

So this was my first week at work and I can say it was definitely worth it. I'm starting to feel a little better now that my financial stresses are beginning to disappear. I know it will be a while until I pay back the money I owe while still paying my rent and bills and get back on my feet, but at least there's a light at the end of this tunnel.

School starts again tomorrow and I can most definitely say I'm not looking forward to it, but at least I'm half way through the semester. Unfortunately, I have to drop one of my classes due to my own stupidity and lack of being present for class which resulted in a without a doubt failed midterm exam. But with the classes I took over last summer, I'm already ahead and this will just be one less thing to stress me out for the time being.

Despite everything I have to complain about, I can also say life is going pretty well. Sometimes things just need time before they can fall into place and that's the best way I can explain the situation. A lot of things were put into perspective recently and I can honestly say that despite starting off on the completely wrong foot, I'm happy with the direction things are going in currently.

Since Joe is not pleased with the content of my blog being supposedly repetitive, I'll talk about something different. 

Finally finished my training at Applebee's and am finally working. I missed making money and that two week period of not working was killer so I can't even imagine being one of the millions of people who have been laid off recently in this country. I'm back to having no days off a week between class and work, but I don't mind. My days off usually consist of being completely unproductive anyway, so at least I'm getting things done.

Speaking of school, I'm not really looking forward to going back. With all the work hours and things I want to do this weekend I'm going to have to find time to fit in all the work I totally didn't do over spring break. Whether or not I actually will find that time is yet to be seen.

Mikey and I finally have the ball rolling with some screenprinting stuff, so everyone should check out his blog over at blogspot.com/dgfourl and keep their eyes open for some sweet shirts coming up in the near future. I'm excited for summer to come so he and I can collaborate on some more ideas and make some awesome stuff! I would post pictures but I can't figure out how.

Time for a nap.

I've been slacking on this lately, but I'll get to it eventually.

Just let it be known that this really is it. I'm finally at the point where I can leave all the bullshit in my life and the people that come with it behind me.

After the recent hell I've gone through, I am shocked that things are going so perfectly lately. Of course I worry that it's all going to fall apart because I don't feel as though I deserve good things, but then again I've done nothing to deserve the shitty cards life has occasionally dealt me. I think it's time to be an optimist for once and hope that things have only been bad in the past so that they could be awesome in the future. I haven't been able to say this in a long time but - this just feels so right.

Now only if my laundry machine would work - then I'd really be in business.

Just thought you should know I can see through exactly what you're trying to do here and it's not working. But nice try.

This blizzard, which I was completely unaware was even headed our way until yesterday, is my saving grace. I definitely did not even start my sculpture project that is due today and classes are cancelled which means I have a total of two more weeks to finish it because next week is spring break. It doesn't get any more awesome than that.

My dad has stepped in as my hero once again and really helped me out with my rent this month. I can say that I literally have the best dad in the whole world. If he only had any idea about how truly poor I am and what a big deal this is to me. Hopefully this means I can actually put the money I have now away so I stop living by scraping pennies to pay the rent every first of the month. Not to mention the massive amounts of money I owe Gregg can hopefully start to be paid back.

I can't say for sure what's going on anymore because life has been so unexpected in both positive and negative ways lately, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best because I can't help but wish everything just starts falling into place for me.

Let me just go ahead and say that starting today, I am starting a completely new chapter in my life. I have closed the page on the last one, accepted everything that has happened, and am ready to move on. There are so many ways I could have turned this situation into something negative that I will dwell on forever, but instead I am choosing to see it in a positive light in that perhaps this is the life-altering experience I truly needed to turn things around in my life. Obviously I am still dealing with many of the repercussions and though in a lot of ways they're like salt in an open wound, I have to keep my head up and keep going. At the same time, I feel as though a lot of things are already falling into place. I'm very much looking forward to this weekend and tomorrow I begin training at my new job. Thank you to those involved for their incredible support and friendship, you'll never know how much it's appreciated. Others only really hindered the situation, but I am not really surprised.

It's like the first day of the rest of my life.

Life should be like a DVD remote: it should come with fast forward, rewind, and pause buttons.

I don't know what happened today, but something turned around. I feel like all of a sudden I have this completely different perspective on life. Maybe it's due to the second death of someone I know within the past month, but I really have to stop taking life for granted and just coasting along. It's time to make the most of life.  At this point, my plans to transfer colleges are shot. I am already halfway done my degree and I just need to stick to my guns. Since I'm desperate to get away, I'm thinking about applying to spend a semester abroad. Anyone would be stupid not to. It's pretty much a vacation your college pays for. I know myself and I know being away from home especially in a foreign country would be so difficult and I would get so homesick, but I feel like there's no better situation to truly get to know yourself than when you're completely out of your comfort zone and you're forced to make it work. And if I want to get the hell out of Jersey, I think I can wait until grad school. What I should be focusing on is getting the best grades I possibly can so I can hopefully attend a graduate program somewhere awesome like NYU.

Everything about this year so far feels so strange and unsettling and it seems like things keep coming out of nowhere that just make it worse. I constantly feel like I'm walking on glass. First Ken passed away, and now Paul. You never expect at twenty-years-old to have to hear about the people you knew growing up and in high school have died. I've learned more about death in the last two months than I have in my whole life and I don't like it at all. The only thing I keep thinking is, "Shit, what is going to happen next?" and having this ridiculous paranoia that next time, it's going to hit a lot closer to home.

I know I've complained about this before, but these kids are relentless. My house is one of two on my street that has a driveway and these neighborhood kids insist on playing sports in my driveway.. without asking, I might add. Yesterday was hockey. I'm waiting for the day one of their balls or other sport accessories goes through one of the windows of my house or dents my car.

Note how close the net is to my car. Sure it has it's fair share of bumps and bruises already, but it really doesn't need anymore. Unless you're Mike Richards or an equally good-looking Flyers player, I don't want you playing hockey in my driveway.

Valentine's Day is this weekend.  I spent last year's at a bar in a love bubble with my now ex-boyfriend drinking Corona and lime and shots of tequila mocking all the people drinking away their loneliness and this year, I'll be one of them. Karma, I guess.

I had to put my dog down today. I had that dog for fourteen fucking years. It was like losing a sibling and honestly, with everything that's gone on over the past few months, the worst heartbreak I have ever felt. She was the best dog ever, and any of my friends or anyone that ever met her knows that. 

I went out and drank last night for the first time in I can't even remember how long. I forgot how awful hangovers really are, but it was worth it to get out of the house and get my mind off of a lot of things.

I still feel like everything is just a whirlwind and I just can't see straight. I thought I had it together and now I'm back at point one, as confused as ever. I'm sick of watching time pass and waiting for everything to come together on its own because it's clearly not working out that way. At the same time, I can't for the life of me figure out what it's going to take for me to fix this situation on my own.

Oh, and I got the job.

I have taken far too many days off of class already and it's only like the third week of school. That's pathetic, but I can't help but disagree with UArts when they decide to not cancel classes when my car is literally frozen solid and I'm clearly not going anywhere. I understand it's easy for a lot of people to get to class because they live in the city, but what about the rest of us?

Last interview today. I hope they didn't drag me through this ridiculous process just to not hire me. Seriously, three fucking interviews for a job at Applebees? I'm nice, I have been waiting tables since my sophomore year of high school, what more could you possibly need to know? I'm waiting for a friggen background check or something. Regardless, this job would be my saving grace because I currently have $4.03 in my savings account and even less in my checking. You can't even withdrawal that at an ATM because it has to be an increments of $10. How embarrassing.

Pretty sure I got my new job, but I don't want to speak too soon and jinx myself. Considering how overall shitty January was, February is looking pretty promising. Minus the morning, of course. Car keys should come with a panic button for when you can't find them because lost car keys when you're already late is seriously the most annoying shit in the world.

No, fuck this. I have spent way too much time getting back to being a happy, productive human being after everything that has happened and just because things have been off lately doesn't mean I am going to sit back and watch that all fall apart again. All the sitting inside instead of going out, all the sleeping all day whether it be through classes or not, etc... it ends here.

Totally snowed in. I couldn't even see my car this morning because it was so buried in snow, not to mention even if I did free it I wouldn't have been able to get out of my driveway because I have no shovel to shovel it. And although UArts decided to completely suck and not cancel classes like every other school/university, I have decided to protest that decision by not going.

I have a job interview tomorrow.. at Applebee's. Sort of lame, but considering how hard it is for most people to find jobs right now I'm not really going to complain. I don't want to leave where I work now, but considering they close at 3 o'clock every day and I'm usually in school until 4, I'm not really working much and therefore not making money and therefore not being able to pay rent/bills. Gregg and I are probably going to grab lunch soon at his friend's restaurant/bar in Center City soon and talk about possibly me getting a job, which would be fantastic considering my plans to move back to Philly at the end of the summer.

Lately, I've felt really off, like the ground underneath my feet isn't always solid. It seems like every time something decent happens or comes my way, it's fleeting and before I know it, it disappeared or fell apart somehow. I'm just waiting for something to stay together for once. I just feel frustrated.

This made me feel a lot better, though.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't usually have a lot to write in here. Oh, except today my mom wined and dined a little too hard tonight and had a crazy case of road rage on some dude who wouldn't let her in his lane and she almost killed us both. Happy to still be here.

I'm going to let this blog be somewhere where I can keep track of not only words, thoughts, etc. but my art work too as it progresses. Except a lot to come soon considering I'm back in school and the projects are already piling up. The thing I'm most not looking forward to: sculpture class. 3-dimensional art and I are total enemies. It's going to take a friggen miracle for me to pass that class.

Best part about my hellish day at work:

"Do you have a sister who works here?"

"A sister who works here?"

"Yeah, she's got really blonde hair and she looks just like you."

"Oh, that girl? Oh, we're actually the same person."

"Oh.. really?"

"Yes.. really."

Clearly, the concept of hair dye went completely over these people's heads.

I'm currently looking for the Ryan Gosling to my Rachel McAdams, so whenever he feels like walking into my life would be great.

I survived through my first day of classes (all ten and a half hours straight of them. Tuesdays are going to be the bane of my existance). I can see the work starting to pile up already, but I'm honestly ready for it. I'm glad I took the winter break given as a time to rearrange my priorities and I'm ready to give this semester the best try I have. I was so unimpressed with my grades last semester and I'm ready to step up to the plate. One of the professors I have is one I had last semester for painting and he almost failed me for never showing up to his class, so I need to do everything in my power to show up every week and show him that that's not who I am because it seriously isn't.

What I enjoyed most about today was the fact that UArts put the inauguration on the big screen in Hamilton Hall and gave students the option to go. I didn't think I was going to get to see it due to class, but luckily I did. This is the first election I voted in and I thought it important to see the inauguration. Regardless of anyone's personal views of Barack Obama, you have to admit the man is an amazing public speaker. No one can say for sure if he will live up to the things he says he can do for this country, but we can all hope things can only get better from here. Everyone also needs to realize that they cannot just sit back and let Obama do all the work -- it is so important that we, as American citizens, do our part to help out to the best of our ability.

And way to blow it, Eagles. Here's to trying to win the Stanley Cup.

Personally, I'm a fan of snow (until it's been there for a few days and it's all melted and brown etc. of course). I hate cold weather, so I figure if it's going to be cold, it might as well snow. What I was not a fan of, however, was losing control of my car at least four times while driving tonight. If nothing else, I should be thankful I don't live somewhere where it snows often because my car is awful in the snow. I can't wait to move to the city and just get rid of that thing because it's a piece of crap anyway. I currently don't have a passenger side mirror, I can't unlock my car from the driver's side so I have to walk completely around to the other side to unlock it but there's no handle on that door so I have to walk around yet again to get in the car, my bumper is duct taped to my car (thanks, dad), etc. Nothing like your first car.

I can't believe that winter break is over already and tomorrow I will be in school from 8:30AM to 7PM. Tuesdays are officially now my least favorite day of the week. Winter break was an extremely necessary amount of time for me to really get my life together before the semester starts and I lose control of my life again. Having Fridays off this semester is going to be fabulous because there is nothing better than a long weekend every weekend.

Let the stress begin.

It is imperative that I get a second job because I honestly don't want to be as strapped for cash as I was last semester. Trying to pay rent and bills while being a full-time student is so difficult. I went and applied at a few places today, including the Main Street Pub. I will die if I get hired there because I would be making great money and the Flyers tend to hang out there which is great because I'm trying to marry one of them and I've gotta start somewhere.

Tonight is the last night I can go out for winter break because I have a complete day off tomorrow and I'll be spending it at my mom's crib watching the Eagles game by myself and babysitting the dogs while she is away. Go Birds!

I really couldn't tell you why I allowed myself to get a blog, but here goes.

Yesterday was a pretty great day. I got an amazing pair of shoes for $20. Bargain shopping has been my thing lately and I must say that I am pretty amazing at it. Then, my mother (who even I must say is pretty boring and never does anything spontaneous or even fun in her life at all ever) got a puppy. Her name is Midge for midget because she was the runt of the litter and she is the new love of my life. She's boxer/Australian shepherd and she is pretty great.

Today, however, was sickeningly uneventful, but at least I cleaned my room and am getting laundry done. I'm almost looking forward to classes starting again because I cannot stand being bored anymore. And let me also add to my discussion of today that the stupid bitches that work at Family Dollar (where I go buy all my necessities for the house because it is just that freakin' cheap) suck. You are so incredibly rude it is amazing you still have a job.